Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below, then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
microwave: congratulations! your bowl is now piping hot
me: amazing! and the food too?
microwave: slow down there buddy
— trash jones (@jzux) October 16, 2021
i just heard my neighbor crying which means unfortunately she could probably hear me singing monster mash in different voices
— pascalle (@pasxalle) October 18, 2021
...I did not realize how much I apparently hate unfinished wood https://t.co/1V4rUWhzHL
— yes, really (@simonefiii) October 17, 2021
Thinking about the time I drunkenly spilled an entire bowl of soup on my new macbook & then tried to tell the apple store it just broke out of nowhere & then the guy had to look me in the eye & say “we opened it up and there’s just…so much soup in here…like chunks of carrots..”
— Arianna Rebolini (@AriannaRebolini) October 17, 2021
Living in nyc will have you like damn if i hadn’t taken that sip of water i could’ve caught the train
— Katherine 🇨🇴 (@katkathykatto) October 18, 2021
obviously therapists go to other therapists. but who's at the very top? do they know everyone's secrets?
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 20, 2021
Me: I’m hungry
My fridge: I have lots of tasty food inside if you wanna cook somet—-
Me: not like that
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) October 21, 2021
I’d be fine with a ghost in the house if each time a bloody message appeared on a wall it was something helpful like YOUR KEYS ARE IN THE FRONT DOOR.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 18, 2021
Clients: how long have you been a Makeup Artist?
— MS. BOBIANA (@BRlANNARANEE) October 17, 2021
Squid Game is so captivating because it’s about man’s greatest fear: being told to find a partner to team up with for a project
— Andrea More (@amore_orless) October 18, 2021
being in your twenties is all about getting coffee and walking around
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 17, 2021
I will not pic.twitter.com/8FwqeyL2So
— Rachel won't cede the 🇮🇪 & triskele to the fash (@walshrac) October 17, 2021
Sometimes during sex I get jealous of how many calories the guy is burning
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) October 16, 2021
man at this bar is describing in great detail exactly what a deviled egg is to his date, a woman who already told him twice that she’s had them before
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) October 20, 2021
why is walking to the bathroom in a restaurant so embarrassing
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) October 20, 2021
You can’t say Women anymore, you have to say happy holidays
— Niko Stratis (@nikostratis) October 19, 2021
my kitten has discovered her reflection pic.twitter.com/WGlCQ6k9TP
— dove 🕊 (@lovedoveclarke) October 21, 2021
Doctor: here is ur baby. it's a boy. congratulations
Ms Kelly, crying tears of joy: I'm going to call him machine gun
— yeah man sound bot (@shonaquil) October 18, 2021
no drug in the world compares to bothering my cat
— alexa (@mariokartdwi) October 20, 2021
I used to be in class like: " got 40 mins left, two 20 min halves. Just gotta get through 10 mins, 4 times. "
— Mylah (@Majj_manuel) October 21, 2021
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.