Yahoo Finance After ‘begging for the bare minimum’ for months, this woman claimed she was opening a secret bank account to leave her husband — why this viral video resonated with so many
A six-second now-deleted TikTok video recently spurred a much larger online discussion over the ways women say they've wrested back financial control in relationships.
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While it was up, the short and sweet clip of the poster claiming that after “begging for the bare minimum for MONTHS” she was going back to work and putting her newborn in child care was shared more than 4.2 million times.
“He has time for his friends but not his wife,” the caption read over the brief video. “Here’s to my first day of work and secret bank account.”
Thousands of viewers left comments, many revealing they, too, kept secret accounts from their partners. Others shared tips or stories of similar experiences.
Money can be a touchy subject in relationships. Most experts would advise couples to be on the same page about how money is spent or saved. But in certain situations, all the traditional rules go out the window. Here’s how to figure out if honesty isn’t the best policy for you.
Secrets can set you up for trouble
Keeping secrets certainly isn’t a way to strengthen your relationship or to resolve ongoing conflict.
In fact, with financial infidelity becoming increasingly popular in the U.S., you may only make matters worse. Nearly one-in-four Americans admitted to financial infidelity in a survey commissioned by Bankrate, meaning they’re keeping financial secrets from their partners. That would definitely include having a secret bank account.
Another survey, this time by SunTrust Bank, found that 54% of Americans believed that a partner who being in debt was a major reason to consider divorce. About 3-in-5 Americans even considered putting off marriage while their partner fixed their debt.
Read more: Here's how much money the average middle-class American household makes — how do you stack up?
So, should you have one?
There are some undeniable benefits to having a bank account that’s kept away from your spouse. In the case of an emergency, you’ll have those funds available should the worst happen. This can be especially helpful if you’re in a risky relationship, like say your partner has an addiction and could use your cash to fund their habits.
Even if that’s not the case, there are benefits to opening an account if you’re considered to be in a “financially inferior position” in the household, according to Cristin Lowe Law, a California-based divorce and family law firm.
Some stay-at-home parents, for example, may not enjoy open access to the household accounts. Instead, your partner may demand a discussion on all purchases.
If you’re in a position where your partner could easily cut you off, having your own bank account might be a good idea. Especially if a situation approaches divorce territory, there is the very real fear of being left with nothing.
It’s a worst-case scenario measure
Even if you’ve decided opening a secret account is your best option, you might consider meeting with a financial adviser first. They can certainly guide you in not just creating an account, but also figuring out what you’d need in a worst-case scenario.
That being said, communication about finances remains one of the largest stresses of a marriage. Being open and honest with your partner about your finances will likely lead to a more open, honest and trusting relationship.
All these conversations might still lead to opening up your own bank account, but without the secrecy. Because even if your relationship is perfect now, who knows what the future might hold.
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This article provides information only and should not be construed as advice. It is provided without warranty of any kind.
