Nintendo just hired a guy named Bowser as VP of sales

Nintendo of America seriously just hired Bowser. Can companies really hire turtle-like dictators with serial kidnapping tendencies?

Okay, okay – Nintendo says it hired Doug Bowser – a human, supposedly – and he's serving as the "Super Mario" maker's new vice president of sales. Nintendo claims that Bowser has "no relation to the King Koopa and Mario’s longtime nemesis," but we have our doubts.

Here's a picture of Doug Bowser – or as we're calling it, EXHIBIT ONE:

Doug Bowser Nintendo

(Nintendo of America) Nintendo of America VP of Sales Doug Bowser – or is he?

Looks like a nice enough guy, right? More importantly, there's no clear indication of a spiky shell on his back or a proclivity for antagonizing plumbers. Here's how Doug Bowser looks next to the definitely-not-related villain also named Bowser.

Let's call this EXHIBIT TWO:

Doug Bowser and Bowser Bowser

(Nintendo) Left: Bowser | Right: Bowser

Pretty different looking, we'll give Nintendo that. But what happens when you zoom and enhance this photo?

We give you EXHIBIT THREE:

Doug Bowser nintendo

(Nintendo of America)

What's that lurking just over Bowser's shoulder? Could it be?

Doug Bowser Nintendo

(Nintendo of America)

It is! It's Bowser Jr., of "Super Mario Bros." fame – the goofy progeny of the King Koopa, Bowser. You can't fool us with your thinly-veiled ruse!

Bowser Jr.

(Nintendo) Bowser Jr. and his angry propeller-based vehicle

Clearly this "Doug" Bowser is just a front for Bowser Jr. and the rest of the Koopalings to take over the world. Clearly this isn't just a coincidental last name. Clearly.

As people should be, they are freaking out.

wait...watMT @taylorjwofford Nintendo of America Hires Bowser as New VP of Sales http://t.co/V3OEp37GCX pic.twitter.com/BVx8X3TuDv

— darth™ (@darth) May 20, 2015

The obvious reasons Nintendo shouldn't have hired Bowser as VP of Sales http://t.co/ZzYLWJQL1O pic.twitter.com/ilE0ChQ834

— The Verge (@verge) May 20, 2015

The topic is even trending on Twitter in the US:

Twitter Bowser

(Twitter) Can Bowser beat out Black Magic?

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