Yahoo Finance How to separate your self-worth from your job
A job title can be much more than just the promise of a pay cheque. For many, it can mean a sense of fulfilment, power and responsibility, or reflect our personal values and interests. And considering we spend nearly a third of our lives working, it’s easy to see how our work can play a significant role in shaping our identity and sense of worth.
Lots of us find meaning in what we do for a living, but problems can arise when we define ourselves solely by our occupation. So why do we do it - and is it possible to separate who we are from our work?
“It's inevitable that we tend to do this - after all, work is often our passion,” says Jenny Holliday, a career coach. “There is often a sense of reward in our jobs that then crosses over with our sense of worth, too. For example, promotion indicates we are doing well, we are successful - so that then translates to us getting a boost.”
Many jobs reflect who we are. People who are creative may put their heart and soul into design or music, and those who want to help others may pursue a career in healthcare. Someone with an analytical mind may thrive in a science or a data-oriented role, while another may find their ‘calling’ in teaching.
And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as research shows that the importance of a job extends far beyond the salary attached to it. Our work goals, social status and social relations all have a strong influence on our overall happiness.
For some, work is simply a way to pay the bills, but this isn’t the case for everyone. Our society places importance on career achievement or high-status jobs - and they have become a way for us to categorise and evaluate ourselves and others.
When someone says they are a doctor, for example, we tend to assume a particular level of education and income. Often, we use these metrics as a way of determining someone’s social standing, which can affect how we associate with them.
And because our identities are highly influenced by how we present ourselves to others, it’s easy to see why we place so much importance on what we do. For many, career achievement is linked to gaining acceptance from parents, peers, or people who doubted them in childhood.
However, it’s all too easy to lose sight of who you are outside of work. And one of the reasons it can be so detrimental is because it can prevent the development of a stable, independent sense of self. So when things don’t go to plan - for example, if we get made redundant - we might find ourselves facing an identity crisis.
“When we look to work to fulfil our self-worth, we are relying on something inanimate and often out of our control to fuel our confidence,” says Holliday. “This can have an effect on wellbeing and mental health as it can lead to feelings of rejection when things aren't going smoothly.”
Careers are rarely lifelong and our paths can change at the drop of a hat. So when our sense of self-worth is based on succeeding at work, it can be devastating if things go wrong, says career expert Anna Manning. Criticism of your work is internalised as a criticism of you as a person. “I see it leading to self-doubt, self-criticism, comparison and an over-focus on the negatives - which can destroy someone’s confidence,” she says.
And if your whole life revolves around work, it can have a negative effect on your relationships. You may find yourself thinking about work all the time, even when watching TV or meeting friends at the pub - which can lead to social isolation, stress and burnout.
It’s not easy to disentangle your true identity from your work. And it’s not a bad thing to do something you love and make it a part of your identity - but it’s important to have some separation.
“I know from experience that it can be hard, but my advice would be to make sure you have - or seek out - other areas where you get a sense of self-worth,” says Holliday. “That could be a hobby like gardening, or joining a choir or sports club. I find a lot of self-worth, for example, in having two dogs as they're a different element of my life to work. Finding that self-worth 'tick' outside of your work brings balance.”
It is also helpful to try and challenge negative thoughts. Thoughts aren’t facts and they tend to become distorted, for example, by our own inner critics or stress. So next time you hit a stumbling block at work, remember that it isn’t a personal failure or a reflection of your abilities.
Finally, if you’re unhappy at work or struggling with low self-worth, think about the reasons why. Therapy or coaching can be a handy way to reflect on what you could change. “It might be that if you aren't getting the feelings of self-worth you want from your job - so it might be time to look elsewhere,” says Holliday. “There's no shame in leaving a job if you feel that it's not rewarding you fully for the amount of time and effort you put in.”
