Donald Trump is leaving the presidency maligned as a tyrant and narcissist. This is unfair. I can prove it, because I’m a proud owner of the Official Trump Coloring Book.
I bought the OTCB last May because I knew right away this would become a priceless piece of Americana someday. At $25, it was a bargain. The payment was technically a contribution to Trump’s reelection campaign, and Yahoo Finance doesn’t allow its journalists to support political candidates. So I asked for special dispensation from my editors. I told them I needed the OTCB for research, and they knew right away this was a must-have for any reporter covering the presidential campaign. So they let me buy it.
Now, my Yahoo Finance colleagues beg me to let them color one of the 16 Trump portraits in the OTCB. And the back cover encourages owners to “proudly display your art piece around your home or workplace” after coloring it. But nobody’s touching my OTCB. I’m keeping it in pristine condition to enhance its market value. By the time anybody reads this, the OTCB will be in a bank vault, sealed in plastic.
Unlike the gross distortions of Trump when he speaks at rallies or lies to Maria Bartiromo, the Official Trump Coloring Book portrays Trump as a confident anime superhero with huge hands and bulging muscles. This is Trump as he imagines himself, which means this is the real Trump. And he’s much, much better than the fake Trump who has been in the White House the last four years. These are the four renditions of Trump I’ll miss the most once he’s gone:
Working-man Trump. Donald Trump isn’t just the working-man’s best friend. He’s a working man himself, as we can see here.
Who can forget all those times Trump traveled to his southwest border wall and began laying bricks with the non-immigrant laborers toiling in the hot sun? The Secret Service begged him to stop because sweat was staining his tie, but Trump refused, pointing out he was born working in the trenches and will die working in the trenches. Some people say Trump wears a hard-hat to bed to honor his father Fred Trump, who loved working men so much he’d often sleep overnight at one of his construction sites as long as there were no Black people on the crew.
Compassionate Trump. Some people think Trump is mean or has no empathy, but this portrait proves how caring he really is.
Trump didn’t hug babies in public while he was president because he’s not a “conventional politician” who goes around hugging babies just to act like he likes babies. He also didn’t want to risk giving them Covid-19, which is thoughtful, when you think about it.
Dog-loving Trump. Unlike many presidents, Trump never had a dog or any other pet while in the White House. But he loves dogs anyway, as we can plainly see here.
Trump kept dogs out of the White House to protect the people’s carpets, because every taxpayer dollar was sacred to him. The dog pictured here is Conan the military dog, who hunted terrorists with Delta Force and lived at Ft. Bragg, which is already messy. Conan has passed on, but he could have single-handedly mauled Joe Biden’s two dogs, Major and Champ.
Zen Master Trump. Trump seems to be relaxing in his limousine in this portrait, but what he’s really doing is playing five-dimensional chess.
Trump was always 20 steps ahead of his political opponents. And he probably still is. Trump will go down in history as the only president Congress ever impeached twice, but that’s probably part of the plan. I’m not sure what the plan is, but it sure looks like Trump knows.
Joe Biden’s campaign didn’t publish a coloring book during the 2020 election. I asked why, and a Biden spokesperson told me, “We didn’t publish a coloring book because children can’t vote.” I thought that was kind of smart-alecky. The Official Trump Coloring Book says right on the front cover that it’s “perfect for both adults and youth.” That’s good enough for me.
Rick Newman is the author of four books, including “Rebounders: How Winners Pivot from Setback to Success.” Follow him on Twitter: @rickjnewman. Confidential tip line: email@example.com. Click here to get Rick’s stories by email.