Yahoo Finance Wigan 8-0 Hull: some memorable jaw-dropping entertainment at last
PLUCKY WIGAN ON ONE
The Fiver is not 100% convinced that the scramble for a spot in next year’s Big Cup is fully delivering on its much-trumpeted promise of thrills, spills and heart-racing excitement. Liverpool qualified for it back in November, pretty much. Manchester City have long since made it too, partly on account of their admirable prudence in the sepia-toned time-barred past. Chelsea are in the process of stumbling over the line, despite showing worrying signs during the past couple of matches of touching their tasteful new disrupted-herringbone-patterned cloth, while Manchester United will probably make it almost by default as well, on account of those horrific trippy flashbacks of 2014 that poor Brendan keeps having.
Related: Championship roundup: Wigan crush Hull 8-0 while Fulham hold West Brom
Fortunately for those of us who live for the exhilarating throb of their pulse rising in giddy increments of 1bpm, the Championship is delivering in spades. On Tuesday night, Wayne Rooney dallied and pondered, pondered and dallied, the sort of performance that would get him a gig in the current Everton midfield, allowing Lee Tomlin to score the goal that kept Cardiff’s play-off hopes alive and laid Derby’s to waste. Middlesbrough’s amazing revival under anagrammatism’s Neil Warnock continued with a win at Reading that all but guarantees survival for football’s latest north-eastern shambles. And then there was poor old Plucky Wigan, who face an uncertain future after going into administration, but if the worst happens can at least console themselves with the fact that they are not and never were Hull City.
Hull’s badge pictures a tiger wearing the shocked and slightly glazed expression of an animal suffering the indignity of an unwelcome precautionary examination at the veterinary clinic. A similar disoriented look washed across the faces of several of the club’s players on Tuesday, as Plucky Wigan lashed seven goals past them in the first half, that’s in the first half, yes seven goals, yes that’s right seven goals. And this effectively a relegation six-pointer too, given Wigan’s likely 12-point administration punishment. Seven goals, though!
Poor old Tiger’s intimate anguish was also keenly felt by boss Grant McCann, who later told fans he was “so, so sorry” for an “unacceptable” display, the like of which hasn’t been seen on the road in the second tier since Sheffield United won 10-0 at Port Vale in 1892. A hell of an evening for McCann, then, who is clinging on to his job by the fingernails after this once-in-every-128-years show, though a good one for The Fiver, who was served up some memorable jaw-dropping entertainment at last. To hell with the Premier League! Though if Bournemouth score eight first-half goals at the Etihad later on, you can thank us for tempting fate when we meet again.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Marcus is an extraordinary young man with an extraordinary talent and drive that stretches well beyond the football field. His work for charity and his high-profile campaign will not only help countless young people across our own city but across the entire country” – Professor Dame Nancy Rothwell confirms that the Manchester United striker will receive an honorary doctorate from Manchester University for making the government do its job and give vulnerable children food vouchers.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Edward Dean’s proposal to assign animal representatives to football clubs – Arsenal already have the perfect totem in Gunnersaurus. An avatar of a species that ceased to be dominant eons ago, who now tries his best at every turn to be relevant in the football sphere and whose stylings are comic/tragic dependent on where your loyalties lie” – Derek McGee.
“In the way that Ole Gunnar Solskjær is producing a not-quite-replica of Lord Ferg’s era, did Southampton’s late equaliser give birth to ‘Ole Time’?” – Darren Leathley.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Derek McGee.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
This week’s second edition of Football Weekly has landed – and it’s a deep dive into Manchester City’s Big Cup reprieve. Meanwhile, here’s the second part of our Forgotten Stories of Football podcast on Dundee United’s glory years under Jim McLean.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The court of arbitration for sport (Cas) has dismissed the appeal of Keramuudin Karim, a former president of the Afghanistan Football Federation, against his lifetime ban from football for abusing female national team players.
Hearts and Partick Thistle are miffed after being hit with what they describe as an “oppressive” charge by the Scottish FA for disputing the means by which the 2019-20 season was curtailed in the court of session.
Having seen how much football the Premier League has managed to wedge into each working day, organisers of the Human Rights World Cup have announced that there will be four matches a day televised in the 2022 tournament.
Like a proud father, Ole Gunnar Solskjær can’t get over how fast Anthony Martial is growing up. “He’s definitely developing, improving and enjoying his football,” cooed Manchester United’s manager. “He’s stepped it up as an individual and more as a team player, and physically.”
Mikel Arteta has warned Arsenal suits to give him some dosh or forget any return to Big Cup. “At some stage you have to make a decision: whether I want to aim to make that gap closer and go for it, or I stay where I am,” he blabbed.
And get ready to wear your sunglasses between 27 July and October, because the Premier League’s transfer window will be wide open baby, giving Sky Sports News license to assault your eyeballs with Jim White’s teeth and garish breaking transfer news tickers of doom.
STILL WANT MORE?
Is Sergio Ramos on the longest-running streak of scored penalties? The Knowledge answers this question and more so you don’t have to.
Buy a classic football photograph: Marching On Together with Jack Charlton. And David Squires’s touching tribute to Big Jack is also available in the Print Shop.
From starters to five: a short history of substitutions. By Richard Foster.
Uefa’s forward thinking has set up a mouthwatering climax to Women’s Big Cup, cheers Suzy Wrack.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
