‘It’s a gift to be the gay role model I needed in my teens’: the teacher who came out in assembly

“I was shaking even though I’m a pretty experienced public speaker,” says Pam Stallard. “When you’re doing an assembly every week, it becomes old news speaking in front of 200 people. But when we did those assemblies, I was grabbing [my colleague’s] hand beforehand, and saying: ‘I don’t want to do this! This is really, really scary.’”

Stallard is talking about the week in 2018 when she and her colleague led four assemblies for pupils at Longhill high school in Rottingdean, near Brighton, where they both taught, and at which they told everyone they were gay.

The pair had been noticing some homophobic and transphobic language and behaviour creeping in at school, such as the pejorative use of the word “gay” and even “targeted bullying” she says. Stallard and her colleague decided it needed to be shut down, and they were the ones to do it.

“The conclusion we came to was that we had to send out a blanket message to every student, saying: these are the things you’re saying that are wrong; these are the things you’re saying that you don’t mean to be offensive, but are still wrong, that are offending LGBTQ people around you. And we can prove that because we are gay, and we are offended. That was the real crux of the message; the hammer on the nail of the whole thing was us saying that we were gay.”

During the assemblies, they explained what LGBTQ means and drew attention to statistics around depression, self-harm and suicide rates in young LGBTQ people.

Despite Stallard’s nerves, the risk paid off; there was nothing but positive feedback from students and fellow teachers, and she didn’t hear anything from parents, which she took as a good sign. Her story was picked up by Good Morning Britain and she was subsequently asked to write a chapter for a book on LGBTQ leadership in teaching.

Being a role model for LGBTQ students (or LGBTU – “u” for unsure) is hugely important to the languages teacher. “I always refer to it as the best part of my job that I don’t get paid for,” she says. “Obviously ‘the rest’ often has to come first, but being a role model and helping others gives me emotional, warm fuzzies.”

And what is “the rest”? Well Stallard not only teaches Spanish and French, but also heads up the languages department and is the school’s professional tutor, charged with managing all the trainee teachers.

In a sense, finding an elegant balance at school between her professional and private self is what Stallard deals with every day. At the same time, she wants students to see that it’s absolutely possible. For the book she contributed to, she wrote about being the role model she never had. “That is desperately what I’m trying to be; showing these kids that yes, you can 100% authentically be everything that you are, and still do the job that I do.”

When Stallard was a teenager, section 28 was still in place – it was a law that prevented councils and schools from “promoting the teaching of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship”. She remembers a teacher at her school who was gay, but not openly. “We knew he was gay, but there was no way that he was allowed to say anything supportive or give us references or materials to help us figure ourselves out because it was illegal. And so, for me it’s a gift to be the person I needed when I was 13, 14, 15 years old. It’s pretty cool. Even if I do have to have a few tough moments.”

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As well as being the teacher called on when homophobia or transphobia needs to be quashed, Stallard was (prior to Covid-19), leading the school’s LGBTU club. After word got out about the assemblies and her Good Morning Britain appearance, the club was invited to appear on a Brighton TV station. Students interviewed LGBTQ members of the community, including Stallard, about their experiences. It was a proud moment for her. “It was another amazing experience where I got to see these young people taking on a whole [new] opportunity and a whole different role. Every single one speaking up when they knew it was going to be [publicly] available to everybody.” Like teacher, like student.

The exuberance that Stallard has for helping young LGBTU people find their place at school and in the wider world is invigorating. You might even say she’s not only teaching French and Spanish, but a third language – one with roots in love, acceptance and self-pride.

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