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Puppy politics: How does your dog vote?

You may know how you’re voting, but what about your polling station-bound dog? Here’s our guide to pet pawlitics

Cockapoo

  • Like Labour voters, these floppy-eared yappers are now ten a penny

  • Often sighted at Blank Street coffee shops with a matcha latte in paw (oat milk OFC)

  • Centrist vibes

  • Doesn’t remember the Iraq war

  • Used to vote Tory, now votes Labour

Bichon frise

  • Red is her colour but sadly she can’t vote Labour due to of her love of foie gras

  • Likely to live in Lib Dem suburbs but aspires to a zone 1 townhouse

  • Never touched grass in her life so happy to bulldoze over the green belt

  • Pretty (and votes Tory)

XL Bully

  • Says things like “not ALL XL bullies”

  • Does NOT like regulation – or muzzles (or foreign dogs)

  • Insurgent campaigner who hates being told what to do

  • No nanny state, nans or toddlers

  • Votes Reform

Corgi

  • Monarchists

  • Wants to abolish inheritance tax (mummy worked very hard for the lifestyle they’re accustomed to)

  • Currently at their summer retreat and forgot to apply for a postal vote

Dalmation

  • Anti-fur campaigner

  • Worried about two child benefit cap (thinks 101 a more reasonable cut-off)

  • Smart, but not in the way that counts

  • NEVER changes its spots (fiercely loyal Lib Dem)

Shiba Inu

  • Anarcho-capitalist

  • Tells you about how they made their fortune investing in crypto

  • One of the few voters swayed by the various parties’ memes

  • Soils their ballot

Greyhound

  • Sensitive soul susceptible to party donation appeals

  • Rescued from Battersea to live in Hackney

  • RUNS to the polling station

  • Sympathises with the underdog (Greens, independents)

Pomeranian

  • Nationally famed as cute and fluffy, but known by the locals as vicious

  • Barks at builders

  • Knows how to work a camera

  • Throws dirty looks at the neighbours’ dogs

  • Votes Lib Dem

Labrador Retriever

  • Loyal but stupid

  • Hungry for Change (and treats)

  • Rishi Sunak has one, so like Adidas Sambas they’re ruined for everyone

  • Does what his owner tells him (in this election: votes Labour)