Puppy politics: How does your dog vote?

You may know how you’re voting, but what about your polling station-bound dog? Here’s our guide to pet pawlitics

Cockapoo

• Like Labour voters, these floppy-eared yappers are now ten a penny

• Often sighted at Blank Street coffee shops with a matcha latte in paw (oat milk OFC)

• Centrist vibes

• Doesn’t remember the Iraq war

• Used to vote Tory, now votes Labour

Bichon frise

• Red is her colour but sadly she can’t vote Labour due to of her love of foie gras

• Likely to live in Lib Dem suburbs but aspires to a zone 1 townhouse

• Never touched grass in her life so happy to bulldoze over the green belt

• Pretty (and votes Tory)

XL Bully

• Says things like “not ALL XL bullies”

• Does NOT like regulation – or muzzles (or foreign dogs)

• Insurgent campaigner who hates being told what to do

• No nanny state, nans or toddlers

• Votes Reform

Corgi

• Monarchists

• Wants to abolish inheritance tax (mummy worked very hard for the lifestyle they’re accustomed to)

• Currently at their summer retreat and forgot to apply for a postal vote

Dalmation

• Anti-fur campaigner

• Worried about two child benefit cap (thinks 101 a more reasonable cut-off)

• Smart, but not in the way that counts

• NEVER changes its spots (fiercely loyal Lib Dem)

Shiba Inu

• Anarcho-capitalist

• Tells you about how they made their fortune investing in crypto

• One of the few voters swayed by the various parties’ memes

• Soils their ballot

Greyhound

• Sensitive soul susceptible to party donation appeals

• Rescued from Battersea to live in Hackney

• RUNS to the polling station

• Sympathises with the underdog (Greens, independents)

Pomeranian

• Nationally famed as cute and fluffy, but known by the locals as vicious

• Barks at builders

• Knows how to work a camera

• Throws dirty looks at the neighbours’ dogs

• Votes Lib Dem

Labrador Retriever

• Loyal but stupid

• Hungry for Change (and treats)

• Rishi Sunak has one, so like Adidas Sambas they’re ruined for everyone

• Does what his owner tells him (in this election: votes Labour)